Disney Tips, or Snotty Tips…

Ah, so you’re going to Disney.

I sure as hell hope you know what you’re in for. No really. That place is full of characters.


Not just the nice ones! My favs are there too!

Plus people. If you’re not careful you’ll run into people like the Ogre with his laminated touring plans.

Worse yet, there’s the people who stand in the way with absolutely no plan.

Here is the Snotty plan of attack, also know as the Middle Way.

Snotty-Your Quirky Guide to the Kingdom

Ok, I borrowed that from Buddha. I don’t think he’d mind.
1. Know where the bathrooms are.


I really liked the bathrooms in the restaurants. Especially at off times. Oooh, Columbia Harbor House in Fantasy Land-Best Counter Service food in Magic Kingdom, HUGE Dining Area upstairs-PLUS cleanest least used bathrooms upstairs. Trust me, these are things I keep track of.

Also good, pee stops-MK Space Mountain toilets. These are not often used by little kids. Think about that.

Epcot-No bathrooms in France. Make sure you pee before you get there! Morocco-not real clean, but never very busy. UK bathrooms, always busy, but kept up nicely. Norway-secret bathrooms around corner from bakery…nice!

I hit the Electric Umbrella restaurant rest room on many occasions. Clean, and again, on off eating times…not busy.
2. Remember to EAT.

Suck it up. You are at Disney. You’ve already decided to spend a million dollars. Hopefully you got a deal either on your hotel or resort or flight, or scored and got the FREE DINING PLAN. But either way, don’t be a cheap ass and skimp on eating.

WHY? I don’t want to listen to your crabby ass family midday because they are starving.

Sit down, take a break and eat. You’ll feel better, rest and be ready to go enjoy yourself again. Trust me on this.

3. Your kid is 5 or under? Suck it up and rent the stroller.

Your back will thank you. Plus you can put your emergency poncho, “I peed my pants” (that was me) dirty undies, jackets, etc, etc, etc, on the stroller.

“But my kid is strong, not a whiner, better than those lazy Pigs, and doesn’t need a stroller, and the strollers are expensive!”

Uh, yeah. I say after about an hour, your ass is going to remember this and say, “Wow, Holly was right, my kid is heavy, and this bag is heavy. Where do I rent that stroller?”

4. Stroller Rental info-
a. Rent for the whole time you are going to be there. You get a discount.
b. Strollers are at the entrance of each park.
c. If you go to multiple parks, you only pay once.
d. TIE A BANDANNA on your stroller-no one does this. In a sea of buggies, you will be able to spot yours.
e. There is stroller parking spots all over the parks. If your stroller isn’t where you left it a Disney cast member moved. It’s near by. Look for your bandanna.

5. Disney isn’t just for Kids

Childcare Options are available onsite, along with inroom babysitting.
Neverland Club is at the Polynesian Resort. The Grand Floridian also offers a Club. They’ll have so much fun they’ll never know that you just wanted to go have fun wearing your Mickey Mouse Ears without them saying you were embarrassing them.
6. Be a Kid. It’s Magic.

Make new friends, try new foods, dance in the streets, hug a person dressed like a mouse.

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One response to this post.

  1. I don't have kids, but I wanna go to Disney now. My husband took his daughter when she was about 10, and every time they passed a kid who was crying, she said, "Another satisfied customer!".

    Reply

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