Zombie Bread…ATTACKS!!! Or I wish I was Alton Brown

Below is the Zombie Bread that has been living on my counter for 11 days. I was supposed to bake it Saturday. I didn’t. I didn’t cry, or freak out. Why? Because like the reanimated corpse it’s made from, it’s still kicking even when you ignore it.

Which is why I gathered together these helpful tips for making Zombie Friendship Bread. Yes, yes, it’s more commonly known as Amish Friendship Bread, but that’s a misnomer.

Now, I’m working under the assumption that you got the starter, you followed whatever recipe you got, and just want some pointers for bake day. Most recipes agree that this is day 10.

I have been known to bake on Days 9-12 (If you go past 12, feed that monster again, and either find more friends or make more loaves, we’ll get to that later.)

These are some of the supplies I gather…

Yes, the bottle is rum. Rum is optional. You can substitute wine, white or red, beer, whiskey, soda, or water. It’s just a beverage.

Now the recipe I have says “pour all contents of bag into a non metal bowl.” This step is about damn near impossible because said zombie goo is about the consistency of well, non pourable cement.

So, here is my method for sludge removal, environment be damned. Sorry Al Gore. I’m sure Tipper would do the same, minus the swearing.

Push dough back from one bottom corner of bag, take child sized safety scissors and cut off thumb. No, cut off corner of bag. Gleefully watch it flow into bag, feel superior to the last time when you let it mess up the whole counter and the dog ate half of it. Although that method did require one less friend to pawn the stuff off onto.

Milk the cow, Milk the cow…

My recipe says to now add 1 1/2 C each flour, sugar, and milk. This can be done in the either before or after bag removal. Totally up to you.

Now, this may seem a bit Martha Stewart to you, but I feel all crap when I hand over a nasty looking bag of Zombie Goo in a bag and there’s crusty mystery stuff all over the zipper closure of the bag. I’m trying to share the fake goodness of home, not the true foulness that my burned pork chop dinners truly are. Which leads me to question, Why are you taking cooking advice from someone who does this to food?

Anyway, when measuring out the one cup batter bags, it is helpful to set the gallon bag in a holder. Or do it your way.

But look how easy and tidy this is…

I even have a little lid to keep my counter clean.

Did I mention the clutter around my house drove me to drink?

Yeah, it did. I actually spent all day in the kitchen. I kicked everyone out, put on Zeppelin and organized the fridge, dusted the tops of the cupboards, found the counters, island, changed the seamonkey’s water, pulled the dead leaves off the spiderplant, hung curtains, baked, and danced…


I didn’t say I danced well.

Back to the Zombie Bread…If you need a copy of the recipe, please go to The Happy Zombie c/o Spinsanity (you know, the one who makes crazy awesome spindles, that’s her etsy link if you still need a spindle!)

Some recipes neglect mention the most important things. This starter is really, really forgiving, understanding, and better than most boyfriends you went out with. They probably won’t steal your car, or barf on you, but they taste good, and that’s saying something.

Aside from the basics in the recipe, you can mix any of these things into your bread…

Even the rum.

How much? How much do you want in there? That’s the right amount. I put one of those rotting bananas in one loaf to trick the Pigs. They didn’t notice. I think that’s the right amount.

You can switch out vanilla pudding for chocolate and throw in chocolate chips. Go crazy. It’s all you baby.

Oooh, the random, take out (4) 1 cup blah use as starters…
Then to the remaining batter add ingredients-makes 2 loaves. Well, that’s roughly 2 cups of batter.

Soo, if you hate your friends, or your friends hate you because of unloading all this dough on them…

Pull out a one cup starter for yourself (you brave soul)

Try calling the local Soup Kitchen/Homeless Shelter-fresh bread every 10 days? Be the change

Put the other 2 cups in another bowl, make a double batch and freeze the other two baked loaves.

Have instant snack on hand when it’s bake sale day at some event that has bake sale. Make an impression at work, throw at zombie, live for an extra week come the end of the world.

Look! Not burned. Ok, that’s because I just put them into the oven.

Ok, there was a lot of crazy in the posts the last two days, but really, the mess was making me craaaazy and I needed a little bit of alone time with my apron, and my cleaning, and ok, Robert Plant. But look at the outcome…

10 Hours later…a small slice of girly heaven.

The flowers, those are from the Ogre. The curtains, hand made, special made, no pattern, perfect everything by Kat! Crazy Awesome! Look how happy my plant Beulah is!

This is Alton Brown,again,

hero number 6! This post was brought to you in Good Eats style.

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Dude, you totally did Flylady’s entire week of reminders yesterday. That’s awesome!I bought MexiCoke at Horrocks for everyone. It’s only $1.79 there for a one liter bottle. Should I bring it to Bell’s or to Waterstreet on Thursday?

    Reply

  2. wow!! They totally worked? Did Eric have to tear them apart and re-stitch them to fit?? lol I wasn’t very confident hehehelove you!Katps it is unfair of the word verification machine to put a ‘g’ and a ‘q’ next to each other, along with shorty ‘j’s that look like ‘i’s.

    Reply

  3. I’m sitting here crying with laughter reading this post. Stop it! You MUST send a link to this post to Alton Brown – I’m serious. You’ll probably get a show out of it, only have to work 5 hours a week, hire a nanny for the kids and spend all your time knitting!kb

    Reply

  4. I think I just laughed the entire time I was reading this post. I’m going to have to try this zombie friendship bread…it’s much more attractive to me now you’ve called it by its true name! And knitting with Pushing Daisies! I wonder how many people do that; I know I do too. 🙂 Pleased to make your acquaintance!

    Reply

  5. Nice to meet you too Janaki! I am here to make all giggle!I think loads of people knit to Pushing Daisies!!! If they don’t, they really should!

    Reply

  6. […] Amish Friendship Bread starter, also known as Zombie Friendship Bread.  You know, Zombie because it’s sort of alive on your counter and may make you turn into an […]

    Reply

  7. […] Amish Friendship Bread starter, also known as Zombie Friendship Bread.  You know, Zombie because it’s sort of alive on your counter and may make you turn into an […]

    Reply

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